Charlie Banks
    New York Giants
    Polo Grounds, NY

    Dear Mr. Banks:

    I am a 12 year old boy and I am dying from malaria.  
    Please hit a home run for me because I don't think
    I will be around much longer.

    Your friend,
    Joey Margolis

    Dear Kid,

    Last week it was the plague.  Now it's malaria.  What
    do I lookstupid to you? Your lucky I do not send
    somebody over there to tap you on the conk. I am
    inclosing one last picture. Do not write to me again.

    Chas. Banks, 3d Base

    Dear Charlie,

    Nobody asked for your damn picture. I never even
    heard of you before. And you can forget about the
    home run too. The only reason I needed one was
    because the bullies who keep beating me up somehow
    thought you were my best friend and the homer was
    supposed to keep them from slugging me anymore.  
    Thanks for nothing.

    Can I go on a road trip with you?

    Your arch enemy,
    Joey Margolis

    Dear Joey,

    "Somehow" they thought I was your best friend?
    Where did they hear that from? A Nazi spy?
    J. Herbert Hoover? Franklin Delano Biscuithead?
    And didn't I tell you not to write to me anymore?

    Go bug DiMaggio.